Of Broken Promises
by Orokid
Summary: As usual, you don't know what you have till you've lost it. Clark learns this lesson painfully well.


**SincereHeartache: **_This was something that I had started in hopes to actually write something. I began jotting down sentences while listening to "In Another Lifetime" by Gary Valenciano, which happens to be one of my favorite songs because it tells the tale of someone who has loved someone that they have no chance in ever getting loved in return, and so they say that they would try harder to win their heart's desires in their next life. It's a really sweet song, and I actually teared up the first time that I had heard it- and making me emotional is a BIG thing, if you know me at all. By the time I had listen to the song about fifteen times, I had about two pages of writing, and I felt really happy about what I wrote down. Later on, I sat down and re-read everything, finishing it on my own time._

**Disclaimer:**_ I own nothing. Nothing of Smallville, the characters, the plot (well, maybe that, but who knows since it was based from a song)… I own zip zero._

_I hope you enjoy reading my fanfic!_

**Of Broken Promises**

Clark Kent stared down at the newly polished gravestone, holding tight to a single white lily that he had purchased on the way there. He was twenty-four now, his body strong and firm with the passage of time, though he hid his true form beneath the suit he had worn for only a few occasions, a thick pair of glasses hiding the stunning blue of his eyes. Yet no matter how much older and mature he had gone to that moment, he felt himself to be just like he had been back when he had gone to the first funeral service. His chest ached, his heart throbbed, and he stood there fighting back the tears that wished only to fall.

Bending down, he set the pristine lily on the grave's freshly covered surface, holding back on the things that remained before him. He gazed lovingly at the letters that had been etched into stone, biting down on the inside of his lower lip to focus on keeping his composure.

Chloe Sullivan. Beloved daughter and friend. Lost before her time.

She really wasn't coming back this time, was she? This wasn't yet another one of Lex's schemes to prove his self worth by protecting the girl from some sort of danger they didn't want to tell him about. This wasn't a sick joke played upon him so to see him break, to see his world fall apart before even realizing just where his world was located. It was real. All of it, from the morning of hearing the news that broke his heart to this exact lonely moment, was real.

He desperately didn't want it to be. He wanted to wake up in the mid-afternoon and see her on his front porch, chastising him for sleeping though half the day. He wanted to have her watch him with those beautiful and kind hazel eyes of hers, to hear her sweet yet sharp voice, to have her there again in his arms. He wanted desperately to feel her warmth again.

"So many times…" He barely could register what he was saying as he kneeled close to the stone, whispering secrets between them like old friends. "I must have rejected you, rejected your love, your care, so many times, Chloe." Now, he regretted it, although he couldn't quite remember when he had started to feel this way. Perhaps the feeling had always been there, sizzling and bubbling beneath the surface, and he could only feel it now as everything was lost to him.

No. That wasn't it at all. There was another reason to his regret, although he could honestly say that he had only begun to realize it, to feel the hurt and pain that came from the emotions. And that, with the loneliness of losing her entirely, is what he mourned.

"I wish I had been more… more understanding. I wish that I hadn't focused everything on Lana like I did, and that… and that I paid more attention to you." There were so many wishes that he had that could never be realized. It all seemed unfair now, but there was only one person whom he could blame for his obliviousness and inactivity- and that was himself and no other. "I'm so, so sorry, Chloe." Tears burned at his eyes fiercer than any other time, and he likened the experience to when he was first learning how to control his heat vision. It hurt him both inside and out, pained him to the point where all he wanted to do was crumble into pieces where he remained. "I really am."

Closing his eyes, he could feel his thoughts drift back into the past, back to the days of old where their memories entwined. Once more, he could recall how they had danced at the Spring Formal, holding her close as the moment became too perfect to pass up. He had pulled her in closely, their lips quivering with bated breath as they drew in ever closer. It was a moment that either of them couldn't deny, a one that neither would forget. And, the moment before he felt his heart burst from the new emotions that surged within, sirens had erupted to tell the party-goers how a tornado was ripping through the fields and farms of Kansas.

Out of teenaged lusts that had encompassed him at the time, he had run after it, willing to risk it all- the dance, his new feelings, and Chloe- for a woman who would end up teasing him for many, many years later. If he had only known how that particular day would write their destiny as friends and friends only, he wasn't sure he would've taken that hormone induced rescue mission he had assigned himself. In another time and place, would he have stayed in place, thinking that everything had been alright outside the walls of Smallville High? He didn't know, but he wished he did. If he had known how his and Lana's relationship would have ended up being as on-again off-again as it had been, he wasn't sure if he would have left the dance at all.

There were still so many things he could apologize for to the gravestone, and there were so many more things that dared to cross his minds with the phrase "what if" at the beginning of each and every thought. What if he had stayed that night long ago? Would they have remained as something more than friends? What if he had been smart enough to trust her with his secrets long ago, before anything had ever happened? Would he have questioned the world as much as he had throughout his life? What if… What if…

What if he had been there that night, when her meteor powers had decided not to save her? Could he have done something? His likely action would have been to have taken her straight to Jor-El, pleading desperately for another chance to live with her by his side, but that would have lead no where. He knew because he had tried to ask to rewrite time as he had once done before, when it had cost him the fate of someone close to him. To save one, he had to risk another. For once, Jor-El wasn't willing to listen to his pleading as his birth father had done so many times before, seeing that logic wasn't in control of his mind at that moment.

But he had wanted to go back to the beginning of freshman year, further than he had gone ever before when turning back the hands of time, with the knowledge that he knew now. There would have been so many things he could have fixed, so many instances where he wouldn't have mistaken the woman of his dreams for the girl of his daytime.

"All those times, Chloe… I should've listened to you. I should have been the one that you could turn to- not the guy who turned on you." Using a rough finger, he brushed away the tears that were close to falling from his eyes. "But… I'm going to do what you say now." His tear-stained fingertips tightened into a fist, and he shut his eyes tightly in an attempt to keep more from taking the others' place. "I'm going to be the hero you wanted me to be, because…" _Because I couldn't save you. _The words were there in his mind, but they refused to leave his lips, knowing all too well that others might be listening in on his quiet confession. There were those that were likely to take any chance to come and kill him, come and take his chances away from being a hero.

In another lifetime, he wondered if he would've made the same choices to save and protect the ones who couldn't do so for themselves. He wondered if he would've made the right choice in falling for the right girl.

"I wish I could've told you, Chloe… there are so many things I want to tell you, but… you can't hear me." It was what seemed to be the story of his life. As soon as he would find himself falling desperately for someone, they would be whisked away from his arms. Alicia had been murdered, Lana had been forced to live her life far from him by a super powered suit of kryptonite, and now… yet another name has been added to his list of past loves. He wondered silently if he would ever find the courage to care for someone again, or if he would be left alone for the rest of his life begging in silence for the return of one person he couldn't protect.

"Smallville." The voice was quiet yet demanding, and he knew it immediately to be the one whom had once gotten pleasure in teasing and torturing him when she had once gotten to their small town. It was weaker than it had once been, and he knew why- because she had lost someone close to her as well. The person that he had wished to have protected was the same that she was missing. "It's starting to rain."

He had barely even noticed it when she had mentioned it, yet, as he looked up to the sky for the answers he knew would be lost on him, it seemed only to get harder than before. A part of him felt glad to have the rain- he would never have to worry about another seeing how pained he was right then, crying tears of heart-felt loss over a woman he'd never be able to replace.

Slowly, the man stood to his feet, keeping his gaze upon the stone that stood sturdily before him, a man who could barely find the power to stand tall as he faced it. He was supposed to be the toughest person known to mankind- and yet the granite was ever stronger than he could ever hope to be. He reached a hand over to the last memory of a woman that would ever be, fingers gliding against the top so carefully as though it might break in his hands. "Next time, Chloe… Next time, I'll…" He took his hand from the polished stone, his fingers curling tightly into themselves into a weak fist. _I'll protect you next time… I can't even promise that. So many broken promises…_

A hand drifted onto his shoulder, giving it a light pat, as if telling him that she had an understanding just how he might feel- even if she didn't. She could never truly understand how it felt to lose someone that meant as much as he felt she did to him. His fist lightened, unclenching the pain that he hold on to with the best of his power.

"Ready?"

The man looked at the young woman, watching her with sad eyes, hiding his true ache and pain behind the thick glasses that he wore as his disguise. Without a word, he turned away, pulling from her sympathetic hand while sliding his hands into his pockets.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**SincereHeartache:**_ In the end, it doesn't hold up completely with the basis of the song, but… not many things in life do. Besides, my theme at the moment is that one doesn't know what they have till they lose it, so… yeah… As one could guess, I continue the theme happily. I hope that it turned out half as good as I hope it did, and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. If you could, please leave me a review telling me your thoughts, feelings, and if I did a job up to your standards or not. I don't mind anything you have to throw at me._** X3**


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